Extended Lent - Day 360

Part One:



Two nights ago, I did Outreach at the House of Blues and I did infact run into Alex. I wasn't prepared. I froze. He said "Hi." and I squeaked. I turned and he walked by.

Epic fail.

Last night, I sent him an e-mail telling him that I was sorry for freezing. That I wanted to say more that night. That I still like him.

Today, I got no response.

Part Two:

Laurie is amazing. I heart her.

Extended Lent - Day 361

Part One:

Interestingly enough, Alex's friend Max came into my store today. He seemed a little nervous at first but I think that's because the obvious topic was my relationship ending with Alex. He did have some very interesting things to say which make me think that Alex will try to talk to me tonight.

I did end up going out to "Straddles" last night with Kimi after the movie. She has turned into a regular Kerri: Part 2. She hooked me up with a cute indian guy named Jackson. Yes, we had casual sex. No, I am not proud of it. He said he is going to be at the HOB tonight. This should be interesting. Fuck.

Part Two:

SCOTT PILGRIM WAS AWESOME!!!! :D Loved it! A little different than the graphic novel but still very good. Could only have been better if it had split into two long movies.

Work was ok today. One of my better clients came in and bought a fair amount. I did just over $3000 in sales. Still a slow week but ok in the end.

Doing Outreach for the first time in over a month. Wondering what I'm going to do to kill the time till then. Paul is my partner tonight. This is actually why I'm blogging so early today. I'm not going to get to do it later.

Extended Lent - Day 362

Part One:

Nothing to crazy has happened yet today. Sean was texting me earlier and flirting, asking if we were going to hook up tomorrow night (or at least make-out). I don't know what's going to happen but Kimi insists that if I want to make out or even have casual sex with someone, that is my decission. I am still adiment about not dating anyone. I am still nervous about running into Alex (which is going to happen) and/or Royce (which I strongly suspect will happen) at "Epic" HOB on Saturday. Kimi and I are going to the movies at Providence Place tonight to see "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" and hopefully drinks afterward.

Straddles, anyone?

Part Two:

I got my hair cut today. It really was more of a clean up/trim. I guess I'm growing it out. Not sure just how long it's going to get. You can see a picture of it above. It looks cute and I look like a little boy. Lol.

Work sucked. I woke up an hour and a half late today but was only eight minutes late for my 9am shift. Only two sales. I hope that this is because everyone is going to be buying lots tomorrow for the "Tax-Free Holiday". We shall see.

Extended Lent - Day 363

Part One:

I got into it with my co-worker/douchebag today. Stress +1.

Getting paid more than I was HOPING for. Relief +2.
Did not find the "Flash" underwear that Wes told me about. Disappointment -1.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World opens tomorrow. Excitement +2.

Lori is joining me at HOB Saturday night. That's cool. I haven't seen her in like ten years.

Part Two:

Very anxious about Saturday night. Nervous about seeing Alex. Terrified of running into Royce.

Extended Lent - Day 364

Part One:

I went to the gym today. I got there late but my trainer was cool so we did arms today. There were more than enough guys to look at and oggle and lust after. This is the hard part again. I just tried to focus on my work out.

My computer is out so I couldn't troll Craigslist for pictures of guys, weither I wanted to act on my urges or not. I went to the waterfront with a bag of bread and fed the Ducks, Geese, and Swan. After that I walked up and back on the waterfront checking out the guys.

Ugh. I'm a mess.

Plus, I'm doing outreach at House of Blues this Saturday and Nina Flowers is DJing. This means that Alex will not be Dancing although I know he's going because Facebook told me. I wonder what will happen if/when we see each other. I also have fear that I'm going to run into Royce. I should just focus on Outreach.

Part Two:

I'm having Chinese take out with Kimi tonight. We might go out for drinks later. I hope so. Maybe "Straddles". IDK.

Extended Lent - Day 365

Part One:

Ok. I had to pay the rest of my parking tickets because Boston wouldn't clear them with out all of them being paid even though the ones from 2009 (that I had already paid) were holding it up because I had some from this year.

Then I went to the bank and took out the money I needed to pay my excise tax on my car to free that restriction up.

Finally I went to the RMV and because I had waited like three hours the day before, I skipped the line. Yay. I had to pay another $150 to get my registration re-instated an new plates. My old plates were confinscated when I got pulled over. RIP.

I still have to get my door and windshield fixed but at least I have everything I needed taken care of to go to court.

Still, FML.

Part Two:

While going through my Navy paperwork, I found some old e-mails that Royce sent me. He had sent them while I was on deployment. They talked about how much he loved me. It was impossible to read with out crying. Why did I read them? Because I'm a glutten for punishment, that's why.

I had a conversation with Wes via e-mail today. It was good. I would like to be friends. I don't know how this is going to work though.

I want to do out read this Saturday at the House of Blues but I kind of don't want to see Alex. And I kind of do.

This not dating/no sex is proving most difficult.

*sigh*

A New Direction

So I am officially ending it with Wes. He is very young (20 years old) and not emotionally developed enough to deal with a serious long distance relationship AND because I am still recovering from my relationship with Royce ending.

Starting tomorrow, I will be giving up dating, relationships, and sex (casual or otherwise).

I've tried to do this before. I have had difficulty with this type of "extended lent" in the past. Yes. I have tried to not date or have sex before. And failed. I think I'm ready now to go all the way.

365 days.

Holy shit. What am I getting myself into?

A Brief History

So Wes flipped out at the fact that I still have a DList page. He asked if I was sleeping with other people and I told him I was. He ended it.

Then he un-ended it. He told me he loves me. He said he just couldn't live with me being with someone else.

I tried explaining that I wasn't ready for commitment. I reminded him that I told him I was seeing someone(Alex) months ago and he told me not to tell him about it. I tried to tell him how much Royce had hurt me and left me crippled emotionally.

He didn't get it.

So I relived all the most painful, difficult moments of my life for the past seven years.

I think he's starting to get it now.

I don't know if I still want to be with someone who is so young and inexperienced. He just pushed and pushed and pushed.

He might have pushed me out.

Many dates.

So Alex and I are no longer together. He got emotionally involved and got scared so he fell back on his stance of not wanting a commited relationship. Womp womp.

I'm still seeing Wes in Tampa. I'm going to see him next week.

But now there is Josh from Providence. I met him three weeks ago and now he is expressing interest. Who knows where that will go.

The one thing that nags at me is that I'm still attracted to Claude's friend Mike and I feel like I want to know if there is something there. We made out that night at MiraBar.

Hmmm....

Am I asking for too much?

Don't I deserve to be desired?

I've kissed a thousand frogs. Maybe one day one will really be a prince.