Today, I came home and found a note on my door. Apparently, Brian(one of my ex's friends) had called my sister looking for me. My ex left some stuff in my attic and amongst those things was one of Brian's photography books.
I called Brian and after the conversation I've come to the realisation that my ex is messed up. I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this but I see it now.
It makes me feel better. I am more emotionally secure than him. Am I gloating? No. It makes me feel better to know that at least a little(probably a lot) was his fault. Do I want more contact with him? No.
I want him gone. I am moving on.
I am me. And that is good enough.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A hole too large
So I'm moving on. I'm making progress. I'm getting better.
And still...
I am sad. I'm sad. I'm so so sad.
I have this gaping hole and I have no idea how to fix it. I don't know the remedy or how to proceed. Why am I stuck? I feel like I have partitioned the part of my heart that still has feelings so I can function like a normal human.
It's working but every so often...
The Flood. A Deluge. The Dike has burst and not a dutch boy in sight.
Noah has crapped his robe and there will never be a rainbow ever again.
I just stand here looking to the sky, searching for that fucking dove with the sprig of green in it's beak.
And still...
I am sad. I'm sad. I'm so so sad.
I have this gaping hole and I have no idea how to fix it. I don't know the remedy or how to proceed. Why am I stuck? I feel like I have partitioned the part of my heart that still has feelings so I can function like a normal human.
It's working but every so often...
The Flood. A Deluge. The Dike has burst and not a dutch boy in sight.
Noah has crapped his robe and there will never be a rainbow ever again.
I just stand here looking to the sky, searching for that fucking dove with the sprig of green in it's beak.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Rules for Dating Me...
Here is what I need in a man for a Relationship to occur:
1- Must be out. This includes to family and friends, at work, in church, etc.
2- Must be Monogamous. I can't stand cheaters and refuse open relationships.
3- Must be Versital. If I can bottom, you can too. Otherwise, you're just being selfish.
4- Must be open to the idea of getting married at some point in the future.
5- Must want Children. Adopt or Surrogate. One or the other.
6- Must be willing to eat at any restaurant. Applebees is NOT a restaurant.
7- Once a month, there is a Movie Date Night. There are other date nights, one per week but Movie night is not up for discussion. You're going to do it.
8- Should not be Allergic to Cats/Should like my cats. They aren't going any where. Embrace the situation.
9- Should be ok with Public Displays of Affection. Kissing, Holding hands, etc.
I reserve the right to come up with a rule 10 at a later date. Be prepared.
1- Must be out. This includes to family and friends, at work, in church, etc.
2- Must be Monogamous. I can't stand cheaters and refuse open relationships.
3- Must be Versital. If I can bottom, you can too. Otherwise, you're just being selfish.
4- Must be open to the idea of getting married at some point in the future.
5- Must want Children. Adopt or Surrogate. One or the other.
6- Must be willing to eat at any restaurant. Applebees is NOT a restaurant.
7- Once a month, there is a Movie Date Night. There are other date nights, one per week but Movie night is not up for discussion. You're going to do it.
8- Should not be Allergic to Cats/Should like my cats. They aren't going any where. Embrace the situation.
9- Should be ok with Public Displays of Affection. Kissing, Holding hands, etc.
I reserve the right to come up with a rule 10 at a later date. Be prepared.
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