I am usually a hot mess. This passed year has been especially indicative of that. But lately, Lately things have been different.
I still get jerked around against my will(and often still because of it) at the hands of a sad song about love lost. But something has changed. Love songs. Love songs no longer tug my heart as they used to. It's very odd.
The only way for me to describe it is as follows. You know how when someone tells you that someone they love died from cancer? You know you should feel bad. They loved that person and now they are gone forever. They will never see that person's face again, or hear they're voice.
But still....
You didn't know that person and you don't feel anything for them other than surface sympathy. You don't really feel bad. You continue on your day. You have Chinese for dinner and watch lost and go to bed.
I used to feel everything. Now I only feel sadness. I have people in my life whom I love but they are family and friends. Even though I am dating people and I like them, I still don't feel anything for them. Nothing deep or moving.
I sometimes wonder if this means I have finally grown into and "adult heart". Is it harder for mature adults to fall in love? Or does this mean that I will forever have less feelings? "Je ne sais pas.
What does it mean?
