My arms hurt

So yesterday started off kind of awful but ended ok.

I got to go to the gym and had an awesome work out. My arms are killing me and I suspect its from the push ups. I want to go again today. I guess we will see.

I'm actually kind of having a weird episode. I just started dating this guy Tony. Things are going ok. I just dont want him to freak out because I'm freaking out about me ex. He's coming over later and we are going to smoke, make burgers, and eat cookies. I think I'm making the Neiman Marcus cookies but with nuts.

My life is so weird right now. I almost don't know what to do with myself.

Neural Pathways Set in Stone?

I'm having a little bit of a breakdown today.

Last night, I had a nightmare that I ran into my ex-fiance. I don't remember talking to him in the dream but I think we made eye contact. I panicked and woke up screaming.

I know that it seems silly but we were together for 4.5 years. I loved that man with all of my heart and soul. The last therapist I spoke to told me that I probably have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from it. I believe it. I think I'm still in love with him.

So today I am doing everything I can think of to elevate my stress level. I'm about to go to the gym and beat up the tread mill, I 'm blogging as you read, and I'm making an appointment with my therapist for later in the week.

What else is there for someone who has no way to get closure? What kind of life is this to live?