This is me.

Im trying to be uncencored here and say things I might not otherwise say. I feel like this is ok because no one that I know reads my blog. I suppose feelings could get hurt but I don't know if I care about other peoples feelings anymore.

I had my heart broken back in 2009 and I'm still recovering. Sometimes it hard to feel anything at all. I guess this is therapy for me.

So if you get anything out of this, then awesome. I'll still be here, typing away, trying to make sense of this mess called my life.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Neural Pathways Set in Stone?



I'm having a little bit of a breakdown today.

Last night, I had a nightmare that I ran into my ex-fiance. I don't remember talking to him in the dream but I think we made eye contact. I panicked and woke up screaming.

I know that it seems silly but we were together for 4.5 years. I loved that man with all of my heart and soul. The last therapist I spoke to told me that I probably have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from it. I believe it. I think I'm still in love with him.

So today I am doing everything I can think of to elevate my stress level. I'm about to go to the gym and beat up the tread mill, I 'm blogging as you read, and I'm making an appointment with my therapist for later in the week.

What else is there for someone who has no way to get closure? What kind of life is this to live?

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